Weight Gain

Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer. It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer
cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.

I pointed this out to my wife and mentioned how my weight gain over the years of our marriage should have the same effect: It made me seem more valuable and also made me harder for other women to steal.
She's still laughing.

Why the English wore red coats in battle

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war.
During one battle, the French captured an English colonel. They took him to
their headquarters, and the French general began to question him.
Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked, “Why do you English
officers all wear red coats? Don’t you know the red material makes you
easier targets for us to shoot at?”
In his bland English way, the officer informed the general that the reason
English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won’t
show, and the men they are leading won’t panic.
And that is why, from that day to this, all French Army officers wear brown
trousers.

More doggy doo doo doings

So, anyhow, I used to work in this 'healthfood warehouse' place as a picker/packer, you had to drive around all day on this sort of electric flatbed thing and collect orders of prune juice, halva and stuff. One of the perks of the job was that if an order got sent back, you could buy articles form it for like a quid apiece.

One time this order cam back, and it had loads of this 'Super weight gain 2000' type bodybuilder supplement and, as this guy I worked with was trying to beef up, he bought the lot, took it home, eat some and went out weightlifting.

Next day, no news.

Day after, he reveals that he'd left the stuff in the lounge the previous day (he rented a room in a family home), unaware - having not read the label - that the bottles essentially contained little more than POWDERED LIVER. The families dogs, unable to resist the delightful odour, had ragged the bottles (they're just like big plastic jars) open and scoffe the lot, which had gone straight through them and all over the house, as there was no-one there to let them out.

Strange but true (unless he was bullshitting me - you never know)